Me First…

dav

Me First………I have always been good at putting other peoples needs in front of mine…It is a learnt behaviour from a very early age…It has been a deeply entrenched behaviour that for a long time I was not fully aware of…Then a long came Fibro (etc)…Gradually my awareness has changed…I am now much more focused on my needs & my patterns of behaviour…

However there are still times when I feel a little bad because I am not able to give that which someone else “wants” from me…Its not my need so why should it bother me?…To be honest it’s not me persay that struggles with saying no, it is the “people pleaser” part of me that reacts to the other persons needs…I still, at times, struggle to say “actually that doesn’t work for me” or “I am not able to do that”…But I am working on doing just this & i’m finding it becomes easier every time I do…Now I take a moment before I react to make sure that the choice I make works for me…

It’s hardest to do with those who are used to me always being amiable & giving them that which they need..This has been to my detriment for many years…But no longer…I am choosing not to be responsible for others anymore…I am choosing only to be responsible for me…I spent enough years being responsible for others …I have my journey & they have theirs…Though others may be unhappy by my change in behaviour ,so be it, their needs are not my burden to carry…

As I evolve & my awareness continues to awaken I find myself naturally putting “me first” more & more…I am pretty much managing to do this without guilt…If guilt does intrude it is only allowed to stay for a moment…I now make choices for “me” without reacting to the emotional needs, & at times manipulation of others…I give to myself the gift of self care…To those around me I give the gift of independence from my support…I have enough to manage…This is my time…Me First…NL x

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