Decision….Decision……..I used to be brilliant at making decisions….I have during my life so far made many a choice…I would make a measured and on the whole sensible choice of my direction ahead…Some were very good choices…& some were very big learning curves that I wouldn’t repeat…I have run my own business…& previous to Fibro (etc) had no problems making decisions & choices…

But these days I seem to struggle with the simplest of decisions…I have concluded this is because before Fibro I could be sure of my bodies reaction, but now i am not able to do so…I very much feel my vulnerability that comes with long tern chronic illness…For me it seems that this is the crux to my inability to make a solid decision…So changing my mind is par for the course…If I feel that my health & well being will be impaired then I will & do cancel my plans…

The decisions I make are always made with good intention…They more often than not relate to me socialising or going somewhere new…This does also I feel directly relate to the uncertainty of the unknown…Getting out is positive for my well being and removing my isolation…But it can also in contradiction cause me heightened levels anxiety & stress…So round in circles i do go…

It is quite a change for someone who never bothered about the new before illness altered my world,…It has unknowingly changed me too…Its quite a realisation to see how much of my “devil may care” I seem to have lost along the way…But as I say illness brings a new awareness to self..It brings a new set of challenges…You become aware of the need to protect self…Your craving to feel well overrides the implementation of taking risks…Taking care of self becomes your priority…To knowingly cause yourself further harm is neither sensible or logical…

I want to try & do things that benefit myself…But my worries of unknown situations worsening my health often stop me from even trying to achieve my  aim…But I shall continue to plan & do my best to obtain the new…I will do my best to be brave…& I will keep pushing my boundaries…For if I do not push out of my comfort zone how will I know how comfortable I can be???…..NL x

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